Monday, October 12, 2009

The Form that Stress is Taking.

Sometimes i am so focused on having a positive outlook on life that

i tend to sugar coat everything and that isnt always good.

Bear with me for a sec while i admit to being bad at something


Hang in there with me  even though it's not all fun and lite today.

there are two forms that stress has taken in my world
in the past week.

1.   i have begun to spend money  again.

2.  i havent been the best wife.

The sick thing is that they are connected......

When i am spending money that i shouldnt.....

i start to lose patience with matt and  he is annoying to me.

I think it is because  I feel guilty.

Here he is working his butt off....

Here we are living in a hotel...DUH

and i am out justifying purchasing more school stuff...

warm clothes due to the weather change....

a new toy for the kids....

(afterall.... they didnt get to bring any with them....)

Oh man i could justify anything i swear...just give me a minute and
i can come up with a reason that it is necessary and thereby fully justified!)

That is not a good talent to have!

Yah- sure....

they did need warmer clothes...
probably not more school stuff...

i get bored and miss decorating so i
settle for magazines.

but i guess it kinda excelerates from there.

I start in on spending and it gets progressively worse.

I'm sad i have to admit this right now.

It's like i cant be trusted with our finances.

I am disappointed in myself.

I truly thought that i was doing great!

I apparently am not doing good enough.

I can't seem to grasp that desperate  times call for desperate measures.

i really hadnt bought any extras, in my mind ,.....

until the antique show this weekend.

Then i told myself...

I've been soooooo good ...i can buy something special.

i even thought i was really good there.

I guess i just don't get it.

Mind you-  that we arent talking a lot of money here...
and i have already paid off 3 bills  in the past 2 months.

but look where we are......

there should be more discipline on my part.     Period!

I would love to say that guilt is unhealthy and that
we shouldnt dwell on the things that we don't do well....

I want to say ....

"look for the tiny victories in your day"

focus on the stuff you are doing good at!

but here is the thing.....

if i were to think about how i have done a
huge hard undertaking.....a major sacrifice....
and how i am being a great mom right now despite the tight quarters.....

then i would just be able to forgive myself the spending  and


not fix  my problem.

sorry honey.....

i really am.

Got anything for me anyone?????

xoXo  shell


  1. I've got lots of love for you and lots of faith in you. Turn to the One who gave His life for you and desires to be at-one-with you. J

  2. Oh, bless your heart. First of all, for being so honest and second, for the challenge you are all going through right now. We were poor starving students for the first eight years of our marriage, then starving new home owners trying to pay off Student Loans for the next 10 years after that. You will be in my prayers. You'll make it, then one day this will all be a memory that you can use to help others in similar situations, get through. Hang in there. : )

  3. Is Aunt Flo visiting next week? That's usually my justification. :)

    I'm glad to see that you've come up with a plan! I find that when I'm busy and happy, I tend to spend less...and when I'm bored, or anxious, or stressed to the max...I spend LOTS more.

    I also find that it's kind of like dieting for me. If I say that I can't have a cookie....then all I want is a cookie!!! If I say we can't spend anymore money, then I run out and spend lots more than I would if I just made a plan and stuck with it.

    Lots of luck cute girl!!