The Form that Stress is Taking.

Sometimes i am so focused on having a positive outlook on life that

i tend to sugar coat everything and that isnt always good.

Bear with me for a sec while i admit to being bad at something

lately......

Hang in there with me  even though it's not all fun and lite today.

there are two forms that stress has taken in my world

in the past week.

1.   i have begun to spend money  again.

2.  i havent been the best wife.

The sick thing is that they are connected......

When i am spending money that i shouldnt.....

i start to lose patience with matt and  he is annoying to me.

I think it is because  I feel guilty.

Here he is working his butt off....

Here we are living in a hotel...DUH

and i am out justifying purchasing more school stuff...

warm clothes due to the weather change....

a new toy for the kids....

(afterall.... they didnt get to bring any with them....)

Oh man i could justify anything i swear...just give me a minute and

i can come up with a reason that it is necessary and thereby fully justified!)

That is not a good talent to have!

Yah- sure....

they did need warmer clothes...

probably not more school stuff...

i get bored and miss decorating so i

settle for magazines.

but i guess it kinda excelerates from there.

I start in on spending and it gets progressively worse.

I'm sad i have to admit this right now.

It's like i cant be trusted with our finances.

I am disappointed in myself.

I truly thought that i was doing great!

I apparently am not doing good enough.

I can't seem to grasp that desperate  times call for desperate measures.

i really hadnt bought any extras, in my mind ,.....

until the antique show this weekend.

Then i told myself...

I've been soooooo good ...i can buy something special.

i even thought i was really good there.

I guess i just don't get it.

Mind you-  that we arent talking a lot of money here...

and i have already paid off 3 bills  in the past 2 months.

but look where we are......

there should be more discipline on my part.     Period!

I would love to say that guilt is unhealthy and that

we shouldnt dwell on the things that we don't do well....

I want to say ....

"look for the tiny victories in your day"

focus on the stuff you are doing good at!

but here is the thing.....

if i were to think about how i have done a

huge hard undertaking.....a major sacrifice....

and how i am being a great mom right now despite the tight quarters.....

then i would just be able to forgive myself the spending  and

therefore....

not fix  my problem.

sorry honey.....

i really am.

Got anything for me anyone?????

xoXo  shell