Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Defense Mechanism????

Maybe the reallity of it all hasn't fully set in yet.

Maybe it's  blessings from above......

Perhaps it's my internal coping mechanism.....

But so far ...all is going considerably well!

On second may very well be all of the above.

I do know however,

that i have been blessed with an amazing characteristic.

I thank God for it all the time.

It is this.......

Situations get rough.....
times get tough.....

things get said that hurt my heart...
bad things happen....

But i can very, very, extremely easily......

 forgive and forget.

i believe that is a huge blessing...

if not for that gift...
i would have loads and loads of  harsh baggage!

I don't think that i would be a fully functioning person.

I mean, don't get me wrong ...
i have ruts i go through.  I lose my perspective and feel hopeless
but for the most part i can usually convince myself that things aren't so bad.

 just give me a minute or two to put it all in perspective
and i can snap out of it and put it in it's place.

Right now we are amidst a less than perfect task...

this whole hotel living thing....

3 kids...2 adults...1 dog....homeschooling 1st grade...
homeschooling a preschooler....
keeping a toddler out of trouble and everyones' belongings in a 280 sq ft. space is
just NUTTY!
(as i am typing this.... she has dumped a box of fruity pebble cereal  all over
the floor and is spreading it around the room.....)

...but ByGolly....

So far we are making a good go of it all!

The thing about my great coping mechanism is that .....
it doesn't last forever.............

If the situation continues too long or escalates too quickly....


purging my system of it  .....

and then i move on again quite quickly.

i'm not sure what exactly is getting us through,
but i'm kinda having too much fun to feel bad for myself...
 i am thankful for  that!

It's not home but...

I think were gonna make it!

it's like there is finally a plan....
and that alone is offering me just a little bit of.....

xoxo  shell

Monday, September 28, 2009

Trip to the Oregon Coast

Pandora's Box Flea Market
(soon to be renamed Vintage By the Bay)
Garibaldi ave.

If you ever get a chance to visit the Oregon Coast....

There is the sweetest little town called Garibaldi.

We stayed in the Comfort Inn right on Garibaldi Ave.

It was right across from the Pacific Ocean.  It had a ton of amazing Vintage Shops!

The most reasonably priced one by far was Pandora's Box Flea Market.
The Ladies there were a delight and  the deals were great!

enjoy these pic's from our drive along the Pacific Coast.....

The Frugal Crow
Garibaldi Ave.
Garibaldi, Oregon

A paris boutique along the Coast

Tillamook Ice cream shop  with tubes full of Salt Water Taffy!

Right off the hghwy.  from Garibaldi, OR towards Lincoln City

This Lil' Beach cottage right on the beach was all
boarded up.  just waiting for someone to love it.

Maybe someday i will return to love it up!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Huge Giveaway over at Lola B's

$150 gift certificate to Anthro

$100  package from lola B's Boutique

$50 restaurant gift certificate

and finally someone will recieve a suprise something from Casey herseslf.

**there will be one lucky winner for each  of the above prizes**


if you blog about it she will double your entries....

become a follower of lola b's blog and she will quadruple your chances!

SHe is AmAzingly fun to follow!

Exploring Walla Walla

Old Chippy building behind the Farmer's Market

The Gazebo at the Farmers' Market
The Fruit Basket a top the Gazebo rotates slowly!

We toured the old downtown on foot while the children
"scootered"  around.....

An Oasis a-mid the concrete

Loving the  signage on the Grande Old buildings

Old Alley ways with Chipping paint on the bricks.

Little old mailbox made of real materials yummy hunky mailbox!

Magnificent Historical Homes being restored...
i would have licked that porch had there not been
worker guys all around!

Thoroughly enjoying Walla Walla Together

This Feels Right!

Well we just couldn't go another day without dad so we
decided that we would head to Walla Walla on  Saturday afternoon/evening
instead of waiting til Sunday morning.

We missed him terribly....(after only 2 weeks apart)...
so we went off into the night to find him.

I thought that the children had a long eventful day so they
would surely go to sleep in the car around 8pm and remain in blissful slumber
for the remainder of the trip (until 2am)
No problem right?  I mean they sleep at home every night from 8pm- 8:30 am..
why would this be any different?

I would listen to my favorite cd's and eat chocolate and adore the scenery while hooked up to my caffeine I.V.
(Dr. Pepper of course)........

We were on our way to dad......
Everything was going to be wonderful.

Well....... ha ha ha  and  Ha!

The wild dingos in the backseat were also all hopped up on D.P. and chocolate 
further fueled by their excitement to see their father at last!

There were a few lil' cat naps but nothing deep enough to give me
any part of my pretty picture in my head.

Oh and the cd player got too hot to play any cd's right out of south jordan......

 There would be No favorite music.....
No peaceful site seeing...

There would be however,  excess sharing of  favorite chocolate and 
not enough caffiene to go around ....and lots of chatting, bickering and 

We pulled into Matt's Hotel around 2am ....
he came out to greet us and carry in what he was assuming to be sleeping
children  ..........and suddenly it was all so worth it!  

This is how it is suppose to be .......

Families all together in one place..... working through whatever this  way comes....

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Our Bags are Packed......

You can't just expect a girl to lay down and die......
Especially this girl!  I've made it through a lot thus far in my almost 30 years.
Stuff that some might consider horrifying.
I am a pretty strong girl....all 110 lbs. of me!
So anyways... back to my point....
I may be losing a lot right now but those of you who know me well,
know that i will do it in style!
(vintage style to be exact)
I found these great vintage suitcases and just knew that
they were waiting for me to uncover! 
They have made packing up a little delight for me.
(which is a pretty big job for such small treasures to do...
all things considered.)
Today i am all about enjoying the Journey.
Bloom where you are planted.
You can't always control your circumstances,  but you can control
the way you approach them.
I am approaching my chrochety circumstances in very cute
(top of the their day) vintage suitcases and
nothing but pretty bags are coming with me!
Like i said can't expect a girl to lay down and die.
I may have to simplify......
But nothing can stop me from Dreaming!
............We shall have to wait and see where this journey takes us....
But one thing is for sure.....with our bags packed.....we are well on our way!
xoXo   shell

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Clocking Out For the Day

I decided that if i wanted to have a better day than i had yesterday,
that i needed to be proactive about it.
So i jumped in the vehicle, strapped the kids into their car seats....
(that alone can help)
and decided to "clock out"  for the day.
I went for a long ride to a friends.
It was just what i needed.
The day included a visit to my favorite
thrift shop.... A ride on a little carriage pulled by a pony....
throwing some rocks into a river....and then McDonalds.
I'm telling you.....Just what the Dr. ordered.
I skipped out on a couple of appts.  i had  for today ......
and sorry but it felt wonderful! 
(i was voted class rebel in High School)
In 3 more days i will be on my way to my husband's side.
It was nice to "skip" a day and be one more notch closer to
the big day.....
Because the day I leave =  all done packing and arranging and
planning!    The big day means i move on.
...and that sounds like a good thing to do!
"sometimes good things fall out of our lives to make way for great things"
....(i got that from a friend)  thanks mikell!
night yall!   xoXo  shell

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Mostly Just the Lemons today.

So Just incase you mis-understood......
this is not a Prozac driven, all things positive, all the time....
kind of blog. 
This is about a real life.
My life.
And life is hard sometimes..(ok- a lot of the time)
So this blog is about me trying to be positive.
Trying to find the good that can come from any given situation.
But reality is.......
Sometimes i just can't see the cup half full right away.
Sometimes i  need a little bit before i can get there.
Today was hard.  Really, Really,  hard for me.
I cried a lot
and had 3 too many breakdowns.
I was having my own little pity party.
(those are healthy right?)
I told myself it was ok to greive today ...
as long as i could pick myself back up tomorrow and move on.
(we'll see how that goes tomorrow.  I'll let ya know)
i am going to miss  so many things about my current state.
so many many many things that i
probably have just taken for granted.
(I'm almost done.  I promise!)
I felt more like a hobo today than a gypsy.  that's for sure!
A  homeless, little, insignificant, dirtball, vagabond.
(my husband laughed at me and  assured me that i am none of those.)
Anyway, it felt good to cry and now that the flood gates have opened
i sure hope i can control them better than i did today.
b.t.w.   I am on prozac.
I just ran out yesterday.  that could have a little to do with all this.
ooh and it is that time of the month.....
that too could be playing a part.
thanks for letting me boo hoo....
brighter day tomorrow....for sure.
I'm gonna put on my big girl panties and get over it!  :)
xOxo--- shell

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Fonder Heart...

My Best friend left a few days ago to start his part of this journey.
He  is working in Walla Walla, Washington,  and awaiting our safe arrival (the kids and me).
The first night he was away he called before falling asleep.

He was already lonely and felt bad about leaving me to deal with reality all alone.
But here's the thing,  I'm not alone at all.   I have wonderful friends and an amazing family

here cheering me on and showing up unexpected "just to help" .

Oh, and there is someone else in my life that is "rooting"  for me.

We all may call him something different.  I personally refer to him as my Heavenly Father.

I just could not be pulling this off without  him.  That's all there is to it!

Where i am weak,  He makes me strong.

Sometimes He calms the storm.....Sometimes He calms His child.

Maybe He is doing both for me right now,  i  dont know.  I do know He is calming me.  His child.

Single mom by day  (temporarily)..... scurrying, crazy lady by night.

Anyways.  My temstimony of Him has grown.  That whole... footsteps in the sand ...

yah-  i believe!

and as for the man in Walla Walla waiting for me.....................

my heart is growing fonder of him everyday!


Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Sorry Ladies,  but today I have to give the award
to my hubby! 
Last night ....
we found out some discouraging news from our realtor.....
this market has forced the value of our home down from almost
500,000 to the low 300's...
ouch!  i know.
we luckily owe closer to the low appraisal amount...
but just not close enough.....
We probably need to short sale our home...
which is ironically, not a short process at all.
We have stellar credit right now...
we always have.
Our credit has always been a great source of pride for us.
No matter what we have had to do...
to stay on top...
we did it.
Some years it was so easy that it didn't seem fair
when looking around at others' situations...
so we took our great blessings and spread them around out of gratitude.
Some years we had to definately focus harder on our own 
financial well being...
That's the thing with being self employed...
It's feast or famine...the whole chicken or just the feathers.
Either way we always  pulled together and did what was needed...
for us or for others...depending on the season.
I went back to work when needed...
He worked harder and longer hours when needed...extra jobs in the winter....
last night , after talking to the realtor about our options,
we were less than was more like a blow to the chest.
Short sale means we still hold up our end of the bargain by continuing payments..
but it sells for less to someone else  and our credit takes a hit.
After all we are trying to do....
the extremes we are going to....just to make sure we can continue to make all our
payments on time ......  Our integrity in doing that was sooo important to us.
....and afterall- we will still recieve the bad marks on our credit..
making it harder , obviously, to buy in the future...and get a descent interest rate.
This is definately not how we had it all planned out.
This is not the picture we had in mind.
We were standing alone in the kitchen...
It was super quiet and the air was thick...
i was fighting back a breakdown...i think we both were...
and then...
My adorable husband turns to me and says..............

oooh,  i am sooo in love!

 Team Hawker-
Families are Forever!

 xoxo   - shell

You were not made to just exist! You were made to do great things! A product is as good as it's Maker! If you could see yourself for a second through Gods eyes you would see just how great you truly are! Keep your head up and keep movin with God ALL things are possible!