Feelin Good...

I have been feelin' good.

real honest to goodness...

 good.

and that  is kinda a big deal for me right now.

Dont get me wrong.....

I feel good a lot.

I just have to work really hard at it lately.

but i plain old REFUSE to just stay in a rut.

REFUSE,    I  SAY!

i fight for happiness....

if it aint comin easy....

well...

then it's comin hard....

cuz i like being happy.

sometimes you just gotta ...

MAKE HAPPY HAPPEN.

so anywho...

that is why i'm so geeked to be

FEELIN' GOOD

without all the hard work of tricking myself into it.

:)

i am floating around doing a deep clean on the house...

my kids are sooo sick with the flu...

my sale of my home is put on hold

(some more)   grrr

due to flooding ...

and did i mention i am sick...

and despite all of this...

i feel good.

i feel lifted up...

like on the wings of Angels.

OH YES..

and my dumptruck driver broke down on the side of the road

a good 50 miles from home and it cost me...

A  PRETTY PENNY

to fix....

but still....

I FEEL LOVED.

BLESSED.

SOOO  BLESSED.

I love me some life.

hard.

easy.

pukey.

fun.

tedious.

I'll take it all just for one more day

with the ones i love!

Here is to your happiness.

whether it's comin easy or hard these days...

CHEERS!

xoxo  shell

Onward and Upward Friends

                                                                                  

Forgive me this my friends....

i need but a moment to log my reallity check....

It is 11:33 pm ....

My heart is so full and my mind running rampant...

during our routine bedtime couple's prayer...

My hubby mentioned his gratitude for

our Father in Heaven watching over us for the past 2 and a half years through all our trials...

THIS FREAKED ME OUT!

i couldnt breath... and my eyes filled up...

Two and a half years ago it became evident that

our comfy, cooshy, life was about to take some

twists and turns...

(AND LET ME JUST SAY:

IT HAS BEEN A WILD RIDE)

We went from a dream house with large beautiful

yard to hotel rooms in unfamiliar parts of the country....

presently, we reside in a bbbbbb

(sorry, it's hard for me to spit it out sometimes..)

bbb-basement.

bitter  tasting words on my tongue

We sold our  successful company, our nice cars,

our fancy home, our fun toys ( 4 wheelers)....

we made sacrifices of huge proportions.

There were a lot of "boo hoo's"

and "oh woe is me's"

but we are

STRONG.

We are not your average "give up and go home" Joe's...

No siree bob!

We have trudged our way through

uncertainty and change and sacrifice

and HUMBLE PIE ....

Lot's of unfavorable HUMBLE PIE.

and we have done it TOGTHER!

AS A FAMILY.

AS A TEAM....

 Along with our SAVIOR of course.

every step of the way.

WITH OUR HEADS HELD HIGH.

(mostly)

and without tears.

SIKE!!!!

THERE WERE A LOT OF TEARS.

SERIOUSLY.

LIKE....

A LOT.

(HEY , LET A GIRL MOURN HER OLD

COZY LIFE...WOULD YA!)

but in all honesty...

my heart is more full of thanks and

gratitude then ever before.

i recognize each and every simple blessing...

however small and sweet.

I have learned so much about life...about money...

about .....  ME.

I am one tough cookie.

I  have been part way to hell and back....

(well... almost back...)

( give me til May ok!)

It's true...I cannot take all the credit for my

toughness...

I am nothing without my Savior Jesus Christ.

We are nothing without Him.

I  knew we had been through a very rough year....

I just didnt reallize that it had been 2 and a half!

HOLY COW!

No wonder i am soooo tired.

I went from 29 to 65 in two years flat.

I just had to bear my little testimony...

that there is

HOPE.

In all things there is hope.

The sun will come out tomorrow.

The best is yet to come.

Let us never give up hope.

We are strong.

through Him weak things are made strong.

I know this is true.

Onward and Upward my friends!

On our knees looking upward.

I say these things...in the name

of Jesus Christ...

Amen!



xoxo  the Hawkers!

Loves Polkadots.... Has Dumptruck

It's been a crazy ride....

this past year and a half.

It's funny to think that two years ago

i had my own online boutique.

Vintage frills and fabulous home decor...

that is what i sold.

I loved every second of it.

It felt good to contribute to the family finances...

(and i got to shop for inventory...guilt free)

good times.  good times.

In my plan...

(you know,  the plan we make for our life, the fabulous picture

we see in our minds)

i would just raise my lovely children, shop, and re~vamp old furniture...

It was a nice plan.

But it was not to be.

i closed up my shop....

packed away all the pretty stuff...

and now....

a year and a half later....

I am the crying .... proud owner of

Hawker Landscape Services...

yup.

thass right...

i run

A DUMP TRUCK COMPANY.

(you think i'm kidding dont you...)

No jokin ladies.

I take the calls and give quotes

for delivering topsoil, gravel, roadbase, boulders....etc

QUIT LAUGHING.

I'M SERIOUS.

I book out our dumptruck and B.S. with

Construction guys all day.

It's not what i pictured.

at  all.

ever...

never...

not

even

close!

but it is where i'm at right now.

I could get a part time job but....

let us just say....

i'm not so good with  customers in retail.

(history shows)

i may have mentioned the word "GUN".

loudly.

in a bank.

that i worked at.

and i may have got 5 customer complaints in ONE day

at the department store i worked at.

i am not big on..

"the customer is always right"

infact...

i believe the exact opposite is true most of the time....

SOOOO...

AS YOU CAN SEE:

i am not cut out for the retail world.

so i may fit in quite nicely among the

hard hat guys.

me and my polkadot boots!

just along for the ride,

xoxo  shell



Lovin Armoires

I happen to be on a quest right now....

It is necessitated by my never ending war with laundry.

Every few months i try real hard to be a good lil housewife

and put all the clothes away after they come out of the dryer...

(big but  here.....)

But....

that only lasts...

one.time.

....

then i see all the childrens clothes tousled about their rooms...

like they had never been folded at all.

Grrrrr..

then i vow to never fold again...

blah. blah.... blah..

(enter the few months later)....

Guilt creeps in...

i fold...

dah..dah..dah...

(cue the touseling)...

But No More Friends!

(yah right)...

(i know)...

BUT...

This is my latest solution...

(curtain opening)....

Ta ~ Da

armoires!

EVERYWHERE!

no bedroom without one!

then the edges of all the clothing articles

 are visible and there will be no need 

(less need)

for touseling .

I shall try out my new plan....

and then....

return and report!

 hmmmm...

one armoire purchase down..

3 more to go!

let me know if you see a good deal on a cute one!

xoxo  shell

The ol' Zinger: How to Eat an Elephant

Warning:

I am about to  put out a bunch of dirty laundry.

Just gonna hang it all out for everyone to see.

Why not?

Noone is perfect.

We are all here just working through each day...

Some days are  a climb...

others just a stroll.

How well we cope with the ups and downs just depends on what season of our lives we are in.

It has been a rough two years....

My family and i have been through a lot financially

and personally.

Overall~

i would have to say that i have taken it all

and handled it very well.

but just as of late:

(like the last 3 months)

i've been struggling.

Every moment of happiness....i have to fight for it.

Any progress around the house.....i fight to get it done.

Just bathing and dressing myself and the kids....i force myself to do it....it's a fight.

I have to tell myself to put one foot in front of the other...

i have to talk myself into throwing in a load of laundry...

or picking up that first dish ...and then i have to convince

myself to keep going.

Life is a fight for me right now.

but it is one that i am willing to take on!

Sometimes i cry because i want to function normally ...sooo badly.

I am by nature a very Happy Girl.

so why is it all so hard right now???

why can't i laugh it off? 

why can't i put it all into perspective?

these are the questions that run through my mind...ALL DAY.

Life is soooo hard right now...even the tiniest everyday stuff...

it's a battle just to keep breathing....

but i keep on fighting the good fight. 

cuz deep down,  i know that is what this is:

THE GOOD FIGHT

in the end...for those who endure...

it will all be worth it.

We will look back at this life and we will see

that it was all but a moment....

a short fleeting chance to prove ourselves...

our strength...  our perserverance....

our willingness to fight for the stuff that really

matters.

I am overwhelmed.

Financially fighting to stay afloat and get ahead.

struggling with depression and exhaustion.

a hormone roller coaster  off of my meds.

I am 30 and living in the in laws basement.

On top of the world at one time but now starting over from scratch.

I am easily discouraged right now, it's true.

but i know two things:

how much Jesus Loves me

and

how to eat an elephant.....

ONe BitE aT a TiME!

so i fight....each moment of the day...and lil' by lil'

I EAT THE ELEPHANT IN FRONT OF ME

cuz there is a lot of happiness to be had in this life...

and damn it all...

i am determined to get back to a place where it comes

more easily my direction!

xoxo  shell

check out The other Z posts with jenny matlock HERE

Big Plans....

Well....

I'm at it again.

"it"  being....

DREAMING...

i told hubby i just need .......

about 1500.00 and i can get started on the dream i am dreaming of this week. the one that will make me so happy and answer all of my questions as to what i should be doing with my creative side......

Unfortunamatelly...

Hubby knows  all about my meandering  mind....

and ....


well....


let's just say.......he didnt write a check.



so i guess i'm gonna hold a bake sale or something.

A Really Big Bake Sale.....


yep.... that will earn me the cash i need to

get started on my real company!


One Major Flaw in the Plan:






i.can't.bake.

:(


xoxo  shell

Gypsies Go to Market

Play Guess Who the Gypsy is:

This  lil gypsy has a wrinkly ankle....

this lil gypsy picks her nose....

This lil gypsy thinks somethins' funny...

this lil piggy needs a mom who sews.

But this lil piggy said....

Weeeeeeee  Weeeeeeeee  Weeeeeeee...

Let's stay HOME!

This little Gypsy Family has had a crazy year,

Traveling, homeschooling, living in hotels.

But we have decided that traveling is for Vacations!

:)

and

we are not on vacation.

In fact... we are on the opposite.

We are starting up our own Company.

Lawn Maintenence...dumptruck (hauling away or delivering),

Sprinkler repair/ install...snow removal...etc etc...

"We" as in Matt!  :)

I have something else up my sleeve...

Now if i could just pull it out???!!!

i have great ideas...

they just need to start becoming tangible creations!

Anywho...

THIS LITTLE FAMILY IS STAYING HOME.

and it feels wonderful and fulfilling to look back and say:

I made it!  i lived in a very tiny hotel room for nearly 8 mos

with the 5 of us and pets...

and

i

never

beat

any of them!

Thank you Lord!

We have all made it out of that phase ALIVE!

:)

love shell

Today

If we are being honest...

today

was

a little rough....

Here, in the hotel.

We hit a rough patch everyday.

At that point each day,  i Announce....

"SHOES"

and everyone knows to straight up

Scramble!

By the time the announcement has been made,

I haven't a moment of sanity left in me.

I usually can be found waiting in the hall.

(just to create urgency in the children)

(( they hate to not be standing within an inch of me))

(((  product of living in a one room hotel i'm guessing)))

*We drive around for a while

*Head to a Park

or 2  or 3

(we have literally hit up 3 parks in one day)

or

*run any necessary errands

Tonight we were heading towards cabin fever

(after only 3 straight hours in the hotel room)

and decided to hit up Borders book store.

I LOVE BOrDErS!!!!

I could hang out in there for hours.

(minus 3 Monkeys that is)

I did get a bit quiet after it dawned on me

how much my sister likes to go there.

I quite miss that girl.

She is a part of me.

oNE That IS missing right now.

Return home to Vaccuum for the 3rd time today.

Clean the room for the 3rd time.

and beg the kids to quiet down so

we don't bother the room next to us.

Just another day.

One day closer to Not living this way.

So i hold on to that ....

and now i rest my weary lil' bones on

the hard bed (with too soft of pillows) 

and ready myself for

tomorrow.

Yet another day closer

to where we long to be!

goodnight!

shell

Got goals?

I have been "decorating" the pages of this

Sketch book to appease my urges to decorate a home.

All part of our plan to Put ourselves back  in a

comfortable position, financially, once again.

We simply refuse to give into the turn of

events in our Bank ledgers.

If you want something bad enough....

You'll find a way to make it happen.

This is us doing that!

We surround ourselves with things to

assist in our focus!

This is what the walls in our room look like.....

Things we already know but reminders are a

great tool for success!

Picture yourself succeeding....

and don't give up til you get there!

There is a battle in each of us...

Two wolves are fighting...

One is greed and instant gratification...

Vanity and materialism...

The other is Frugality,  delayed gratification,

Thrift and hard work....

Which wolf wins???

The one you feed.

We are intent on feeding the 2nd wolf!

xoxo  shell

What are your wolves fighting over?

Which one will you feed?

P.S. (i altered the fable to fit my scenario)