Warning:
I am about to put out a bunch of dirty laundry.
Just gonna hang it all out for everyone to see.
Why not?
Noone is perfect.
We are all here just working through each day...
Some days are a climb...
others just a stroll.
How well we cope with the ups and downs just depends on what season of our lives we are in.
It has been a rough two years....
My family and i have been through a lot financially
and personally.
Overall~
i would have to say that i have taken it all
and handled it very well.
but just as of late:
(like the last 3 months)
i've been struggling.
Every moment of happiness....i have to fight for it.
Any progress around the house.....i fight to get it done.
Just bathing and dressing myself and the kids....i force myself to do it....it's a fight.
I have to tell myself to put one foot in front of the other...
i have to talk myself into throwing in a load of laundry...
or picking up that first dish ...and then i have to convince
myself to keep going.
Life is a fight for me right now.
but it is one that i am willing to take on!
Sometimes i cry because i want to function normally ...sooo badly.
I am by nature a very Happy Girl.
so why is it all so hard right now???
why can't i laugh it off?
why can't i put it all into perspective?
these are the questions that run through my mind...ALL DAY.
Life is soooo hard right now...even the tiniest everyday stuff...
it's a battle just to keep breathing....
but i keep on fighting the good fight.
cuz deep down, i know that is what this is:
THE GOOD FIGHT
in the end...for those who endure...
it will all be worth it.
We will look back at this life and we will see
that it was all but a moment....
a short fleeting chance to prove ourselves...
our strength... our perserverance....
our willingness to fight for the stuff that really
matters.
I am overwhelmed.
Financially fighting to stay afloat and get ahead.
struggling with depression and exhaustion.
a hormone roller coaster off of my meds.
I am 30 and living in the in laws basement.
On top of the world at one time but now starting over from scratch.
I am easily discouraged right now, it's true.
but i know two things:
how much Jesus Loves me
and
how to eat an elephant.....
ONe BitE aT a TiME!
so i fight....each moment of the day...and lil' by lil'
I EAT THE ELEPHANT IN FRONT OF ME
cuz there is a lot of happiness to be had in this life...
and damn it all...
i am determined to get back to a place where it comes
more easily my direction!
xoxo shell
I love the metaphor. . cause life does sometimes feel like one incredibly large, really tough, not easy to swallow elephant!
ReplyDeleteKeep on eating!
Hello Shell~Oooh Sweetie I'm so sorry you're struggling. There are those days when you can only take one small step at a time to get through. While you're taking that small step...walk, towards the tangible scents that surround you...summer breeze, flowers, fresh fruit, children playing, birds singing. Let it overwhelm your senses with several small joys...eventually they'll add up to a full and complete happiness.
ReplyDeleteI know this because, there are many days I can only go as far as my back yard, that's where I gather my joy by what surrounds me.
Sweet wishes,
Sara
Its actally nice to hear that someone feels the same way as you do at times. Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. I know its been forever since we have seen/talked to each other but im sure the Shell I new back then is still the Shell you are today and you are a fighter! and always cute and funny while fighting. ps Im 30 and will be living in my inlaws basement soon too. All will be worth it in the end. :-)
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to tell you that I love you...LOTS. I hope you'll let the kids come hang for awhile. YOu know I believe strongly in feeding and rejuvenating our own spirits so that we can strengethen the spirits that have been entrusted to us. I will pray for you, J
ReplyDeleteOh my, I've felt that way so many times during my life. It feels neverending, but it will end and things will get better....
ReplyDeleteHang in there, sweetie...
You are a TROUPER - you're doing lots of hard things and you're doing them with more grace than many, many people. Hang on and take life (and the elephant) one bite at a time. I'll hold you in prayer......
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteThe ups and downs of life... I also had a time in my life that I thought was horrible. I also thought that the kids deserved a better mother and my husband a better wife. I had such low self esteem. Usually a very happy person, I felt really bad after the birth of my second child. When my second baby was one I was told I was suffering from postpartum depression. There were other circumstances that were making my life really difficult. Do you have access to therapy. That's what helped me. Are there free clinics in your area? Even a social worker can help. Also I started to exercise. That was a big help as well. YMCA is not too expensive. Summers can be rough on mothers when the kids are home all the time. Get a babysitter and go talk to someone. Eventually you will see a light at the end of the tunnel. There is no shame in feeling the way you are, none whatsoever! Take care.
Anne-Marie
beautiful,
ReplyDeletelife is a journey that is full of twists and turns, thank you for sharing, blessings and prayers from all of us...
take good care.
Life can be strange sometimes. A person thinks they have everything going and they get knocked down a peg or two. It's happened to me the last few years but you just gotta go through it until you see the other side. Just keep hanging on for dear life. Even though sometimes it can be very difficult and depressing, I know you are a strong woman and you will get to the other side. ;-)
ReplyDeleteStay connected..keep writing and taking care of yourself physically and mentally..you're blessings is that you are young...you and yours will be in my prayers...blessings..bkm
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for your strength and courage! I know what you're going through. I have had those days. I hope these books will help. (Just copy & paste the links onto your browser.)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Acceptance-Workbook-Depression-Commitment/dp/1572245484/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279263828&sr=1-3
http://www.amazon.com/Therapeutic-Journaling-Susan-Brunton-Derozier/dp/1432729454/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279263668&sr=1-9
Prayers & Blessings!
Living is a one day at a time proposition. Sometimes just one second at a time when we're struggling. Keep taking it one baby step and trusting the god of your understanding. You weren't brought this far to be dropped on your head. Keep fighting Shell. Sending prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteBless you hon! I've been there and it is a very difficult fight, but it IS worth it! Jesus does love you, and if you ever need to talk, even though I'm just now 'meeting' you, I'm here!
ReplyDeleteHang in there! It sounds like you will and will do great!
ReplyDeleteWe were in Houston for the oil bust in the 1980's. It wasn't a good time, but things did get better. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteContinue taking a bite at a time, Shell. You will see the light at the end of this dark time. Sending you positive thoughts. ~ Sarah
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things feel so black right now.
ReplyDeleteI admire your determination in eating that elephant...
...but maybe it's OK if you have some down time...some not totally happy time. We console our friends when they have it tough...and maybe it's OK if you treat yourself like a friend right now.
Something people don't always understand about stress and loss is that it doesn't hit you right away. It takes months and sometimes years to come out and knock you around. Our adrenaline stays up and up and one day it just runs out and there we stand...lost and unable to look for the rainbows.
I think that's actually OK. I think it's actually good to let ourselves have some down time and to not struggle so hard against the current for just a little while.
It doesn't make us weak. It makes us human. And it makes us real.
Sorry to turn this into a small novel.
I just think you should be kind to yourself right now and not worry about being happy/happy. Maybe feel sad/bad is just OK.
If you want to talk, I'm always around.
Hugs and hope.
Thanks for linking your true heart.
A+
You know that's my favorite saying.
ReplyDeleteAmen! and pass the salt. :)