It is 1:33 a.m.
i am sitting in the bathroom in
the hotel room so i don't disturb the family.
Kenzie (6) just sat up crying
She has these night terrors that are
so hard to snap her out of.
She is asleep but her eyes are open
and she is deathly afraid of something.
She just keeps begging, "MOM, I'm scared of it!"
but i ask of what and she doesnt know.
HELLO. We live in a hotel room-
I have to calm her down fast. All 5 of us sleep
within 10 sq ft of eachother.
Stuff like this could turn into an all nighter if
the other kids are woke up! That would be
and then i have an
*I want to be the best Mom ever.
I want to be sooo wrapped up in being a mom.
*I want to laugh off the spills, turn into
a dinosaur while chasing a whining child
and tickle away their grumpies.
*I want them to be #1
and to know it.
and not just on the good days like i do now....
This should be standard procedure...
Dino tickling and funny faces....
I want my husband, when someone asks
what kind of person i am,
to describe me as ...
"she's a mom"
like he did about another
" She's a mom. She takes
care of her kids."
(....he says to me when i ask him to describe a friends wife.)
My heart longed for him to think of me as this.
Why would he?
Everytime he calls from work and asks
how my day is going...
I whine and "boo hoo"
about how loud the kids are...
and how much they fight with eachother...
Maybe if i replied...
" Everything is good. I'm just
being a mom and the kids are good but loud so i should go so i can calm them
down with some of my
...... Well then maybe he might
actually know how much i love them...
and love being a mom.... their mom.
I could tell you what he would say now
if asked to describe me...
"She loves vintage stuff and
crafting and wants to own
a boutique again someday...."
*Well, that just won't do!
**TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE
*** I ONLY GET ONE SHOT AT THIS
BETTER MAKE IT A GOOD ONE!
Better go back to bed.
Or tomorrow will be a rough first day for this mommy!