Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Let Me Cry






I tend to be a very stubborn girl.....



Not when it comes to dealing with others though...


If you know me... you know that.



But i don't often give myself any breaks.



Since we lost every luxury we knew...

I have been so preoccupied with  "handling it like a lady"

that i never gave myself a chance to....


Let....Me...Cry...







I've shed a few tears.... but then i shut the faucet

down and move quickly to the next task...



But ........



For Mother's Day...

i let the Floodgates go!





It felt really, really , good.


i looked really, really,  bad.

red

flushed

splotchy...


(just uggly)




I cried for driving a crappy car....

i cried for having to walk far for light switches...

i cried for having to homeschool....

i balled for losing my big fancy home....

i cried for not having new clothes,


I cried and cried and cried  for everything that

has become so hard since we lost the lifestyle we enjoyed.





You probably are thinking..."BOO HOO HOO"


but thats just it!.....



i have told myself for so long that people have it much worse...

that i don't deserve to be sad about "things Lost"

but you know what????


We are good people that would do anything for anyone...

We have done so much for others..

and going through a time when we can barely help ourselves...

that. is.  hard.


I cried for being a burden....

instead of the solution to someones burden.



We have gone through A LOT.

and i know that we are all the better for our troubles....

and i am grateful for the growth...


Everything is on the up and up now...

We are hard workers and we are turning our situation around...



but it was nice to look back at our year and  feel sorry for myself for an hour or two.

....just to feel ....something...  without feeling ...guilty.









it's ok to think...and feel....and ....to...CRY.





xoxo  shell




6 comments:

  1. Shell,
    First of all ~ I can't imagine you looking at all uggly!! Red face or not.

    Secondly....yes indeed, it is definitely okay to cry. I've experienced some of my very best God moments right in the middle of a mess of tears.

    I've been praying for you and I will continue to do so.

    Tons of hugs to you!

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  2. A good cry is most therapeutic. I hope you are feeling much better.
    You are a dear friend and I love you muchly. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.

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  3. I had no idea you were struggling. You really should voice those things to your friends once in a while :)
    Glad you got it out..it is a good thing, baby! All you need is to know who your friends are as you head out to war..that is what the song on your blog told me to tell you :)

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  4. Best place to cry...temple parking lots. I don't think you would have been alone there on Sunday.

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  5. I hope you're feeling better! Glad to hear your situation is on the Up and Up! A good cry is always good for the soul!

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  6. I think there is a very healthy balance between really dealing with our feelings and emotions and overcoming and pushing forward. I think we need to do both to be successful. From what I have read...you seem to be doing a phenomenal job of both. You make me smile.

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