A Wierd Happy

 AS OF fRIDAY, fEB 25TH.....

We the People  ...(the hawkers)

are no LONGER HOME OWNERS!

yep!!!

WE ARE ELATED to report....

we sold our home!!!

(goodbye friend..you served us well.)

after a very,very,very, long and grueling

2 years....  IT'S GONE!!!

We are experiencing minor feelings

of sadness at the loss of our beloved home and nieghborhood...but mostly we are:

relieved, at peace, thrilled, and excited

at the possibilities that await us!

We even looked through a few model homes
last night durning our date...

(just dreaming)

I have been pushing myself for the 

past couple of trying years...not to ask the

questions like..  "why me?"   but to

replace those dooming thoughts with

more hopeful ones.... like

"WHAT'S NEXT?"

i can't lie down and die with so much left to be done.....

HOPE  is all i had some days....

With so much weighing us down...

job changes and financial stress and

losing a home.....

it would have been easy to retreat into

the rut and dwell there...

But the stuff worth anything good in this life...

IS NEVER EASY!

I am NOT perfect....

at all....

not even a little bit close to it....

sometimes the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning was...

the excitement to buy a new decorating magazine...
a great movie i wanted to see

or to just surprise a friend with a cupcake...

totally worldly ,  i know...

but hey...i did what i could and prayed for

the strength for the rest!

nope...i'm not a perfect friend, or mom, or

wife or daughter....

but boy do i wanna be some day!

i want to be comfortable in the presence of

my Savior and my Heavenly Father...

the only 2 perfect beings i know.

so i will give it my all while i am here

and have the chance....

Sooo

We do our best and hang on to hope for the rest!


xoxo  shell


 

Onward and Upward Friends

                                                                                  

Forgive me this my friends....

i need but a moment to log my reallity check....

It is 11:33 pm ....

My heart is so full and my mind running rampant...

during our routine bedtime couple's prayer...

My hubby mentioned his gratitude for

our Father in Heaven watching over us for the past 2 and a half years through all our trials...

THIS FREAKED ME OUT!

i couldnt breath... and my eyes filled up...

Two and a half years ago it became evident that

our comfy, cooshy, life was about to take some

twists and turns...

(AND LET ME JUST SAY:

IT HAS BEEN A WILD RIDE)

We went from a dream house with large beautiful

yard to hotel rooms in unfamiliar parts of the country....

presently, we reside in a bbbbbb

(sorry, it's hard for me to spit it out sometimes..)

bbb-basement.

bitter  tasting words on my tongue

We sold our  successful company, our nice cars,

our fancy home, our fun toys ( 4 wheelers)....

we made sacrifices of huge proportions.

There were a lot of "boo hoo's"

and "oh woe is me's"

but we are

STRONG.

We are not your average "give up and go home" Joe's...

No siree bob!

We have trudged our way through

uncertainty and change and sacrifice

and HUMBLE PIE ....

Lot's of unfavorable HUMBLE PIE.

and we have done it TOGTHER!

AS A FAMILY.

AS A TEAM....

 Along with our SAVIOR of course.

every step of the way.

WITH OUR HEADS HELD HIGH.

(mostly)

and without tears.

SIKE!!!!

THERE WERE A LOT OF TEARS.

SERIOUSLY.

LIKE....

A LOT.

(HEY , LET A GIRL MOURN HER OLD

COZY LIFE...WOULD YA!)

but in all honesty...

my heart is more full of thanks and

gratitude then ever before.

i recognize each and every simple blessing...

however small and sweet.

I have learned so much about life...about money...

about .....  ME.

I am one tough cookie.

I  have been part way to hell and back....

(well... almost back...)

( give me til May ok!)

It's true...I cannot take all the credit for my

toughness...

I am nothing without my Savior Jesus Christ.

We are nothing without Him.

I  knew we had been through a very rough year....

I just didnt reallize that it had been 2 and a half!

HOLY COW!

No wonder i am soooo tired.

I went from 29 to 65 in two years flat.

I just had to bear my little testimony...

that there is

HOPE.

In all things there is hope.

The sun will come out tomorrow.

The best is yet to come.

Let us never give up hope.

We are strong.

through Him weak things are made strong.

I know this is true.

Onward and Upward my friends!

On our knees looking upward.

I say these things...in the name

of Jesus Christ...

Amen!



xoxo  the Hawkers!

Let Me Cry

I tend to be a very stubborn girl.....

Not when it comes to dealing with others though...

If you know me... you know that.

But i don't often give myself any breaks.

Since we lost every luxury we knew...

I have been so preoccupied with  "handling it like a lady"

that i never gave myself a chance to....

Let....Me...Cry...

I've shed a few tears.... but then i shut the faucet

down and move quickly to the next task...

But ........

For Mother's Day...

i let the Floodgates go!

It felt really, really , good.

i looked really, really,  bad.

red

flushed

splotchy...

(just uggly)

I cried for driving a crappy car....

i cried for having to walk far for light switches...

i cried for having to homeschool....

i balled for losing my big fancy home....

i cried for not having new clothes,

I cried and cried and cried  for everything that

has become so hard since we lost the lifestyle we enjoyed.

You probably are thinking..."BOO HOO HOO"

but thats just it!.....

i have told myself for so long that people have it much worse...

that i don't deserve to be sad about "things Lost"

but you know what????

We are good people that would do anything for anyone...

We have done so much for others..

and going through a time when we can barely help ourselves...

that. is.  hard.

I cried for being a burden....

instead of the solution to someones burden.

We have gone through A LOT.

and i know that we are all the better for our troubles....

and i am grateful for the growth...

Everything is on the up and up now...

We are hard workers and we are turning our situation around...

but it was nice to look back at our year and  feel sorry for myself for an hour or two.

....just to feel ....something...  without feeling ...guilty.

it's ok to think...and feel....and ....to...CRY.

xoxo  shell

But, It's Not In our Best Interest....

Homesick:

Longing for the comforts of home while away.



That is the definition of the word  homesick.
I looked it up.    so...... I would know!
But if you don't believe me...
then you are free to look it up for yourself.

..and on the odd chance that it does not say
those exact same words when you look it up....

Then  YOUR DICTIONARY IS WRONG!

...and furthermore....

shame on you for not just taking my word for it!

:)

(by the way....  i didn't realllly  look it up....but it's a very good definition for
just coming up with it right off the cuff  don't you think?)



We are all a bit homesick here in
 Hawker  Chateau.

We are missing not only our "home"
but our Family  and friends too.

This weekend is going to be particularly
hard for the lot of us.

We had thought that we were going to get a very special visit.

From a very special mix of people.

That would have done wonders for our

homesickedness.

Just to be able to spend some time with My elder sister
and her beautiful, wonderful, adorable children.

(homesickedness is so a word.... i ..... "looked it up" )

But alas .... it is not to be.

(is this reading like a sad fairytale????)

(cuz i'm going for the sad fairytale flow here.)

(is it working?.....Could you sense that sort of "mood"  in my story?)

For my fair sister and her lovely

lineage have had a very travesty of a time finding

tickets for the .....airplane.

(did i ruin it all when i had to throw " airplane" in there?)

(did i lose some of the long long ago fairytale credibility there?)

You know what?

i'm actually getting a lil' headache from

talking that way in my head so i can type this for you.

so,  i will continue on in regular American English

from this point on.

Due to the change of plans.....

We have been contemplating coming home for a 4 day

weekend ourselves.  So we can see a very special lil'  girl

who just turned 7.  And celebrate Kade's 4 th b-day.

(which happens to be sunday)

But....the fact is........

That while it would be just what we would love to do,

(ohhhhh,,,,  to have a girls night out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

It's probably not in our best interest.

Can you even imagine how hard it would be

to peel the kids away from home and friends and family AGAIN?

NOT to Mention:  Our  Bailey Dog.

Oh we miss her so much!

I could handle it just because  i know that traveling is something that needs to be done

for now and that it won't last forever.

But the kids......
i can't put them through that again.

So we will stay on the road....

Sacrificing for a short while,

so we can all be together until we get where we need to be.

Back on top of it all!

Life can be hard.

Some choices are really hard.

And sometimes...

the hard stuff...

is such a blessing!

Here's to Life!

and all the blessings that we have

and for the ones that are

 yet

 to

be!

xoxo  shell

put your shoulder to the wheel.
push along.

do your duty with a heart full of song.

i love hymns.

Sounds Like Life

It is a new year and definately a new start for our Family!

We have left Salt Lake City and  are kicking 2010 off in Vacaville , CA.

The plan is to stay here until at least April.

In an Extended Stay Hotel....

The 5 of us...

but

no

dog

this time.

We thought Bailey would be better off at Gramma and Grampas this time.

The kids kind of maull her when they get bored in the hotel room.

 It creates a whole nother issue  that we just don't need right now.

We miss our Bailey dog terribly already.

She usually goes wherever we go....on trips,

to the beach, to the mountains hiking, to stores.....

She is just part of the Fam.

She knew something was wrong when we were packing the car up.

She kept right by my side making whining noises.

I kept crying and petting her and kissing her.

She knew.

It broke my heart.

But had to happen.

Thats the way life is sometimes.

Usually anything worth while comes with hardship.

To prove ourselves we have to face obstacles and overcome them.

....I must be on the right path.....

CUZ IT IS CHUCKED FULL OF OBSTACLES!!!!!!

Ones that will reap Great Blessings in the long run.

I love the song

"Sounds Like Life To Me"

it has become our new theme song.

Our Motto is

"The Best is Yet to Come"....

and

"He never said it would be easy....

He only said

it would be worth it"

Xoxo  shell

FULLY INTENTIONAL CABIN FEVER

We here @ the Hawker household are on a bit of a tight budget

until the next payday....which is unfortunately ....

10

whole

days

away.

(sighhhhhhhhhh)

So we have put ourselves on a bit of

self induced....

House Arrest.

When i made the decision not to spend another dime

until next payday....

I pictured i would be home baking cookies

and sewing and singing to the children as we bond together

in our cozy lil'  candle lit burrow of a home.

( Burrow.....that is a very fine name for a basement apartment ,  don't you think!?)

Any who...

There are no Candles....

No homemade cookies...

.....I haven't the slightest    when it comes to homemade cookies....

wouldn't even know where to begin.....  Perhaps with some flour and water...

Maybe?????

I have been singing...but i am always singing at home so

pretty much the children just tune me out.

There is one dress hem that needs to be stictched up .....

but,

 i. don't. sew.

I did however buy that

Mighty Mend-it  glue

as

seen

on

t.v.

I always fall for that junk.

I feel bad for them... like, what if noone is calling.

The guy who invented it will feel stupid...so i should call and order it and

act really excited to have found this amazing product...

You know ...so they can pass that info on to the inventor...

so as to lift his spirits since there are no people ordering his

sewing glue...which is probably just clear Elmers glue....

So maybe i will mend that hem....

but it is not at all how i pictured it...

Our happy lil' home stay...

is more like...

Self induced cabin fever.

did i mention we are only beginning day 2 ?

(sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

desperate times call for desperate measures....

What do you do when you don't want to spend money?

xoxo  shell

Our family game turned into a pirate soiree....

Even bailey dog feels trapped

FOR SALE

Now that we have access to the internet agian....

(after one whole entire week  ;)

....I have a lot to blog about to get us current.

Let's see...there was the 10 hour drive home from Washington last Friday

...we wanted to make it home in time for Halloween.

We were sure that Trick or Treating with Family and Friends was all the "treat"  we needed!

The ride home was great.  Kids were very cooperative.

So there ended up being significantly less spankings on the side of the road than

origionally planned for!  (  we have never actually pulled over and spanked a child.)

(We have however threatened it a number of times.)

Kenzie was sure we were just going in circles.  Each time we would see a Comfort Inn

sign,  she would announce..."see!  i told you we were going the wrong way!"

I don't remember not trusting my parents to navigate me around.

and they weren't even equipt with a Global Positioning Satellite (gps) like we are now a day.

Kie was great until Bountiful and then she repeated " All Done "  over and over again.             

I didnt mind though.....she was just stating out loud what we were all thinking.

ALL DONE WITH THIS CAR RIDE!

...Arriving "Home"......

We gleefully jumped out of the car and darted for the door of our house

eager to be in familiar surroundings.

This homecoming was bittersweet!

We all ran around extatic to be in each room of the house if only for a few seconds a peice.

Kade kept yelling "It's so clean!!!!!"

Kie just dug right in and played in her own room...happy for space and toys!

Kenzie was just glowing as she ran to her bed ...happy there were no crumbs in it!

See, when you live in a hotel room....the beds double as sofas and desks....and kitchen tables .

I was just adoring my decorations and the warm welcoming layout.

and of course....THE ROOM between myself and the next human.

Matt was content as could be.  He immediately began making dinner

on the stove

YES.....at 11 o' clock at night.

Corn on the cob...per kenzie's request for "real food,  healthy food".

It seemed as if the joy would live on forever.

For me though,  it quickly faded away.

In a sense we were "home" .

It was the place we dwelt in and loved in and grew in and learned in for the

past 3 years.

It was full of our belongings.

But it had a FOR SALE sign in the front yard.

and it wasnt the kind of  "for sale" that announced that the family within would soon be moving on to bigger and better things.

No sir.

It was screaming at me  "YOU DONT BELONG HERE ANYMORE"

and it was right.

The plan was to move out all the necessities in the morning light and transplant them

to My In-laws basement.  Where we would reside  temporarily for the next couple of years as we

searched for our place in the world.

Oh how quickly things have changed.

Oh to be back where we were 2 years ago.

To somehow do it all differently.

Preventing this that we face now.

I started down a very non-productive road of  torture....thinking and analyzing...

It paralyzed me and i retreated to my room and buried myself under my blankets

I didnt move until morning.

I needed a good night sleep.

I awoke and quickly threw on My Halloween Cheer!

I made a decision.

I  would enjoy this favorite Holiday of mine!

The Greater the Sacrifice.....

I  missed my first G.N.O. with my  Bonko gals.

We have been meeting up once a month, every month, for the past 8 or more

years......

It bothered me more than i thought it would........

I was really bummed until i reallized that Lou Lou (kenzie)

has been missing out on her ballet classes with her bestest friend Boo.

**

This would be the first year she hasn't taken dance at Gramma's dance

studio in 4 years....

She has asked me a couple of times if she could call Boo on the phone

and say hello......then she adds..."or is she at dance class?"

It breaks my heart.

But i know it's all necessary right now.....

I know we are doing the right thing....

That makes it bearable but there is still that twinge of  sickness in my gut

when i think about it for too long.

****

Matt missed out on his favorite time of year  for the second year 

now.  (the first time was due to Kie being born,  he was literally tracked down in the

mountains and told to get to the hospital... he made it just in time!)

He works really hard.  It's really the only "just Matt"  thing that he has

to look forward to all year......

He has handled it really well though.  We are so blessed to have such

a good provider and loving man at the head of our house!

Kade and Kie aren't beyond the Sacrifices either.

Kade was very excited to start his first year at Preschool.

He had picked out his backpack and told everyone who would listen that he

was gonna be a big boy and go to the same Preschool as  his cousin Brayden did.

He was at a stage where he really needed that social interaction with his peers....

Kie is at that age where exploring her surroundings is really a big deal....

It's hard because she doesnt really have a space to call her own and do as she pleases in...

She is constantly being shoo' d  out of everyones belongings.

So ...it's hard but ......

You know What?

We are learning a very, very Valuable Life Lesson here.....

Delayed gratification!   

I for one, need that skill  and am happy to have an oppurtunity to learn

it right along with my children.

We are definately sacrificing......

but in the end.....

We will enjoy the fruits of our labors.....

And until then....

Together,     we shall...

*****

xoXo  shell

Photos found at:

**  bugfacebelts.com
****  Etsy.com
*****Myprimitiveboutique.com

THE GREAT UNKNOWN

So just in order to leave .....and begin our journey of traveling the country
with the 5 of us staying in hotels...and homeschooling..(ha ha ..i know)..

we are awaiting a replacement for my husband Matt's

Wyoming based job...

So while exact dates are still up in the air...

It is a certain thing that we are leaving.

The house will be up for sale in the next 2 weeks.

The packing has begun...

We will store a lot of our things in the basement of Matt's parents' home.

(which we will call home after our house sells...at least for a little while)

But we will also be leaving the home fully staged for the buyers!

We have renters in our basement apartment on opposite

shifts of eachother so there will be a

constant vigil on our house....

(which i am only stating because i know some of my friends

would love to see me off and scurry in to carry my famous treasures away) j/k

....one stage of the sacrificing has however begun.....

Instead of Mekenzie attending all day public school until Sept. 21st......

This mother was "helped" into an earlier date of Homeschooling than origionally planned for.

This due to the possible lack of communication.

You see, i recieved a phone call tuesday asking me why i brought the school a request

for release of my child for homeschooling and then sent her to school the next day.

Well.... i had thought that i was merely getting a possibly long process started.

Little did i know they were erasing her from their data base the very moment i left the school.

( though i left with the understanding that the office would call me and let me know what i further needed to complete the process. Noone asked me a reason or a date.)

So back to the phonecall....The woman told me i needed to pick up my daughter

immediately. Because she was no longer welcome on school grounds as she was no longer registered there. her tone was a : "like duh" sort of tone.

and then this blog, i have decided to keep, popped into my head.

So....I obviously handled this 'tiny' oversight with all the Grace that my little

body could conjour up.

Afterall.....Lemons to lemonade girls!

xoxo shell

A Dream on hold...

...i followed through with something for once ...

i have had many a grandeur idea over the years...

inventions, and buisnesses...services one could offer the public at a charge...

(clean up your minds girls!  I'm talking running someones errands

...like grocery shopping for new mothers)  naughty , naughty girls!  :)

Anywho....i had a dream to open a vintage boutique...

and i did it!  

It was so empowering to intend to do something and then 

take all the necessary steps to make it happen!

I opened my own boutique online...The House of Whimsy Decor .com

and in lue of the upcoming itinerary i had to delete all items for sale and

take them to a wonderful  local boutique that i consign at - Home Again.

It was hard...i felt like i was giving up or failing.... but the thought that i was

doing something wonderful for my family...the belief  that it is my children's time right now...

not mine..... quickly won over my pitty party i had begun to throw for myself.

but i will look at this as - my dream on hold...just for a season...

that's what life is about right?  Seasons...as long or short as they might be, is

sometimes up to us.

That is why we are packing up camp and taking on this crazy feat...

We could let  the financial situation that our down economy has presented us with,

linger

for possibly decades...snowballing..

or we could do something about it!  .........

and so we are. 

When  the going gets tough, the tough gets going ...

for a  while, we sacrifice so we can get back in a comfortable position once again!

thankyou to all my loyal customers

i will surely be back.... in another season!

xoxo shell 

meanwhile, i know this great little place

http://www.shabbylaneshops.com/